It is said that the best time to reflect is at night. The most universal sign of night is darkness. This means that when it is dark is the best time to reflect. Usually people reflect on their lives, reflect on their past, the good and the bad, and the determination to create a better life tomorrow.
When I was a student, I experienced "night meditation" when in our dormitory we woke up in one room. After waking up, each of us then gave advice to the other friends. The advice could probably be given during the day but it felt better to give it at night, especially after waking up, around 12 o'clock and above. The advice from fellow friends left an impression as a form of love from one brother to another.
When following the procession to move up a level in the Tapak Suci martial arts, at that time I also--if I remember correctly--slept on a grave. At that time we slept, were woken up, and after arriving at the Tanah Kusir Cemetery, we were taken with our eyes closed to a large grave. There we were asked to sleep. Some were crying, but some were just quiet--between fear, trembling, and being sure that because we were in a crowd there was nothing to be afraid of. Courage does sometimes come from crowds.
As far as I can remember, I didn't cry when I was asked to sleep in the cemetery. Maybe because since elementary school I was used to coming home late. Sometimes I came home from studying beside the Tobelo Grand Mosque at 10, several times at 11 and 12. On the way I saw one or two people drinking alcohol, some had even collapsed in front of a shop. I walked to the Old Market, to the right of it was an old cemetery. It is said that the market used to be a place for people to die, people said.
One time, when I was about to knock on the door of my house, I saw someone standing under the lamp. He just looked at me without any expression. I held the Quran tightly to my chest, while praying, especially the Throne Verse and several short verses, hopefully not disturbed by spirits. I still remember his personification until now, but I try to erase it that it might just be my imagination. Even though I saw him clearly. After entering the house, I immediately went to bed.
When I worked in the Thamrin area, I also often came home late. Everyone was gone, I was still in front of the computer. Occasionally looking at the high-rise buildings through the window. When I was actively working at an institution, I also used to come home late. One night, one of the doors slid. It seemed like someone had come in but no one was there. I checked and there was nothing. Or maybe it was just the wind passing by.
In another place, there was a security guard who said that he was also sometimes disturbed by the alien creature. Once when he was praying Isha, there was a noise nearby. After he moved, the sound was gone. There was also a standing banner that fell by itself and stood up by itself. That was seen in front of the security guard's eyes. "Sir, if you want to try, try it here at night," he said. I replied, "Ah, no. I'll just stay here until the afternoon." The security guard said, they actually just wanted to say that they were there too. They didn't harm me, they just wanted to convey their existence.
During scouting, we sometimes do night activities. I remember when I was in Sukabumi. At that time, we even felt the cold water near the waterfall where we were. I, who sometimes can't stand the cold, had to endure the cold. Scouting teaches us to be in all fields, hot or cold, day or night.
One of the series of new student processions--when I was a participant or committee--was the night event. Sometimes at night like that we would wake up new students. Someone would advise them, remind them of their sins or mistakes in the past. Then also remind them of their sins towards their parents. Among the students, some would cry, even one person crying would provoke others to cry too. The activity became a kind of "reflection" or an activity to reflect on our own lives to achieve a higher awareness to become a better person.
The night is indeed full of reflections and memories. When I was little, after Isha prayers I usually heard from the ships that docked at the harbor they played nostalgic songs. Among those songs was "lelaki dan rembulan", a song that I always remember when I was alone in bed. When I missed my parents, my hometown, I sometimes sang that song on the top bunk while crying softly. I remember the times when at night I asked my father to wake me up because there was a good movie. At that time I slept on a wooden floor blown by the sea breeze blowing from the Morotai Sea, maybe from the Philippines, or from the Pacific Ocean.
Now, my oldest child is in the third grade of high school. My wife reminds me that I am no longer a teenager; not young. Sometimes I look in the mirror, or I look in the mirror at my friends' photos. "Oh, we are not young anymore." One by one we look older, with white hair and wrinkles appearing on our faces. Very different from when we were teenagers when we were still so serenely singing this song:
Berbuih putih beralun-alun
Di pondok kecil di pantai ombak
Berbuih putih beralun-alun
Dipondok kecil di pantai ombak
Berbuih putih beralun-alun
White foam rolling in the square
In a small hut on the beach of the waves
White foam rolling in the square
In a small hut on the beach of the waves
White foam rolling in the square)
Or, when we faintly hear songs from the cinema not far from where we study the Koran. A song sung by Bryan Adams:
You will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart
Search your soul
And when you find me there
You'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you
Among those songs we remember a friend who used to sing for us. That friend loved English--at a time when we didn't like English. That friend also sometimes sang his favorite song from MLTR. He knew not just one but several songs by heart.
"Lelaki dan rembulan", "di pondok kecil", Bryan Adams and MLTR accompanied our teenage years. We were also accompanied by other songs from the 1990s period approaching the second millennium in 2000. Nasida Ria said: "The year two thousand years of hope, which is full of challenges and anxiety. Oh young people and teenagers, come on, prepare yourselves!"
Some of those memorable quotes are still in our minds until now. One of the good quotes in a notebook that I remember until now, goes like this: "A thing of beauty is a joy forever." I just found out that it was a sentence from John Keats.
Sometimes, on lonely nights we are reminded of life's achievements that have not been completed. We make life plans, want this and that, some have been achieved and some have not. All of that guides us, and sometimes becomes a "burden" for us. Moreover, living in a city like this, we sometimes have to increase self-reflection, because not everything can be grasped easily.
There are people who can grasp something easily. But some others have to go through thickets of knowledge, challenges of experience, and difficulties that come and go. We sometimes compare ourselves to others; we have only just gotten this but others have gotten that. But the more we compare, the more we hurt ourselves. Perhaps the wisest way to respond to life's achievements is to return to the zero point that "man tries, God determines."
Day after day has passed, time after time has also passed. Every day we pass time. Sometimes we are negligent with time, sometimes we succeed in passing it. Regardless of our negligence or success in diving into time, there is always time to improve. If we didn't have time before, maybe now is the time to change. The more we realize that we must continue to improve, the better it is to achieve personal authenticity and self-maturity.
YANUARDI SYUKUR is an Indonesian writer who is also a lecturer, editor, researcher and speaker at various conferences and expert resource person on several Indonesian television stations and ministries. He has participated in various international programs in Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, the United States, as well as Ukraine. He is an anthropologist at Khairun University who is interested in various global issues. He is currently also active as Vice Chairman of the Islamic and Middle East Research Center (IMERC) of the University of Indonesia and is active in the Commission on Foreign Relations and International Cooperation of the Indonesian Ulama Council. E-mail: yanuardisyukur@gmail.com.
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